time

Every day, twice a day, I do calendar questions in my math classes.

I ask, "What was the date 1 week ago? What will the date be in 1 week?  What was the date 3 months ago?  What will the date be in 9 months?  What will the date be on the 3rd Saturday of this month?" and other similar questions.

Every day, I write the date on the board.

Every day, I check days off on my calendar of deadlines.

Even with the way I acknowledge the passing of each day, I still don't understand where it goes.

I see the time passing.  I see how one minute it's the 1st day of school and the next you are just 4 weeks from Christmas.  I see how one minute you are graduating from college and the next you have been teaching for 2 years.

And it scares me.

I'm not saying that at 6 in the morning on a Wednesday I think, "Oh. It's Wednesday already!" And I'm not saying I don't have certain parts of my day that just drag on endlessly.  It's that despite this, despite how long each week seems, time still keeps passing.

That's what makes me worry.  It is so easy to just LET time go by with things at status quo.  It is so easy to tell yourself you'll make that change another day or you'll start later or you'll get your life in shape after _____.  But time keeps going.

I've been out of college for almost 4 years now.  When going through school, there are all these natural life transitions to go through.  Yes, some people still put them off and delay or avoid, but mostly you just sort of keep going, each time knowing where you're headed.  Finish elementary school. Finish middle school. Finish high school. Finish student teaching. Finish college. Get a job. And then....there is no longer anything forcing you to change.

As much as I hate change, and as torturous as each of the transitions I was forced to go through were, I think I'm even more terrified of never making another transition.

Will I have the courage to make myself transition? Will I know when I need to?

I do not want to be the teacher who has been teaching at the same school for 20 years.  I don't know why, but I just don't.  And while it's hard to imagine that ever happening, I've learned enough about time in the last few years that tells me it absolutely will happen before I even know it.

So how can I make sure I stay ahead and I'm in control, not just being pushed along?